Introduction
Thorough out the world custody of a child or children has always been a contentious issue. Though mankind has evolved and has progressed in many aspects of life, most of these progression has been regressive though one will very much like to believe it is otherwise. Sadly it is not.
The driving force of life has always been and continues to be to win and to win at any cost, no matter what the price is. At the end of the day this is a self destructive force, as it well may be, we are blinded to this or just do not want to come to terms with reality and the Sacred Laws of Life which is Universal.
Child custody is no different, when it comes to a situation where husband and wife have to separate, divorce, for reasons best know or unknown to them the child or children become the victim, tantamount to CHILD ABUSE. Which ever parent took the child or children at the moment of separation will hold on to them against the other parent. On the one hand the parent who is in possession of the child/children will go to all costs in order to be victorious and satisfy his or her ego rather than to consider the child/children interests and this is always falsely perceived to be in the best interests of the child/children. What a deception.
It is largely perceived universally that child/children are deprived of access to the father. There has been enough said in forums throughout the world and up to this moment there is no human solution to this situation. The legal system for better or worse always prefers to award custody to the mother, with minimal access to the father. The position taken is to play safe, I guess the premise being, mother is synonymous to child. We can’t deny that there is an aura to it. The question is, does this aura have a positive or negative influence on the child. Psychologists without doubt will say that it is a negative influence on the child and any one who is conscious to nature will undoubtedly agree that a child needs both parents for its well being and balanced development, albeit having to deal with the separation of the parents. Separation of parents in it’s self is devastating for the child/children, what more does the child/children have to endure with a custody battle between the parents, and are we to believe that the dominant parent is going to present the other parent in the positive light to the child/children.
In short the child will be going through torment at a very fragile age, leave alone having to deal with the facts of life, but having to deal with the fact that it’s security is being pulled from under it’s feet and the child is in a completely helpless and confused situation with fear setting in, the fear of losing the parents.
WHAT IS THE ALTERNATIVE?
The Alternative, firstly, it is to consider completely removing and eradicating the word "custody" and have it replaced with responsibility, in other words, "Child Custody" being replaced with "Child Responsibility". The word custody has the connotation "to claim" whereas the word responsibility has the connotation "to fulfill", hence the desire to claim or win does not come into existence.
Where children are concerned we all have a responsibility towards them no matter who we are, it is just not parents, who have this responsibility. It is a fallacy to believe that we own our children not to mention being arrogant for harboring such thoughts. Parents are just acting as custodians for the One and Only Supreme Being and their responsibility is not just to the child but to that Ultimate Being who rules over the Universe. This is the sanctity of parenthood, an act of worship and thanks giving for our very own existence. Why then should we not act in a manner to serve the highest good and in the interest of the child/children.
The separation of the parents is an act of destiny, but the willful deprivation of the child’s access to any one living parent is an act of tyranny, not just to the child but also to the Almighty One. A marriage can be undone, but parenthood extends to the grave. Parenthood just cannot be undone.
In view of this any right minded person who has a soul with an inkling of divinity should not and must not stand for any form of CHILD ABUSE. Hence, the will of the authorities and the people of this nation must come together to address this issue in an holistic manner.
The Child Custody Act, weather Shariah or Common Law, must be ammend or changed to Child Responsibility Act. This act shall embody the responsibilities of both parents jointly, in the up bringing of a child or children.
The proposed act shall encompass the following, ("child" herein means either singular or plural);
When the infant is suckling the child shall at all times be in the custody of the mother, until such time the child ceases suckling. During this period the father shall have free unhindered access to the child and he should take all responsibilities which is expected of a father in normal circumstances.
At the end of the suckling period thereon the child shall spend each alternate week with each parent and this shall continue until the full maturity of the child or as it would have been if the parents had not separated.
The Father shall at all times maintain his position as the Principal guardian of the child and shall at all times act reasonably with no malice intended to the Mother.
The Mother shall at all times maintain her position of motherhood and carry out such expectations that is deemed of such stature. The mother shall at no time act in a manner where malice is intended towards the father.
Both parents shall teach and inculcate such values as to honor, respect and love both parents and their respective families at all times to the child.
Each parent will be responsible for carrying out all relevant duties when the child is in their care during the week or other such times.
All expenses for the child shall be borne by the Father in the event that the mother is strictly a housewife. In the event the mother is a working mother during the time of marriage then all expenses shall be borne by both parents in proportion to their respective incomes, i.e. to say that if the mother’s income constitutes 40% of the fathers income, or vice versa, then that proportioned percentage shall be towards the child’s expenses.
In the event the mother re marries then she may opt to vary her access to the child if she deems it to be in the best interest of the child, hence meaning that the child will be more in the care of the father. However this shall not absolve her of her financial responsibility towards the child as set forth in the prior paragraph.
In the event the mother or father abandons the matrimonial home and moves to another town then the child shall reside with the parent who is the resident of the matrimonial home. Henceforth, not disrupting the activities and curriculum of the child. However the child shall not be deprived of reasonable access or communication with the non resident parent. Their financial responsibilities shall at all time remain intact.
Under all and any circumstance the child should be encouraged to maintain an outstanding relationship and communication with both parent.
Both parent must at all time communicate with each other and keep each other informed at all times matters pertaining to the well being and development of the child. There should be no compromise in this respect.
Tribunal
As always there can be disputes in any given situation and where a dispute cannot be resolved amicably between the parents then such matters may be brought to a tribunal for a amicable solution.
The tribunal shall at all times comprise of three persons made up of both genders and of any religion. The preferred age for such arbiters shall be 60 years and above and their service will be voluntary in nature. However they may be paid a daily sitting allowance to cover their basic expenses.
A pool of arbiters of impeccable character and wisdom should be sought and maintained as foundation arbiters.
The arbiters role shall be one of counseling and providing guidance towards a solution that is in the best interest of the child. At no time shall the arbiters take the role of a Judge.
The parents will have to represent themselves at such arbitration and they may be assisted either by a family member or any other person of their choice. At no time should any solicitor be present at such arbitration.
We are the highest form of creation in this Universe and it is incumbent on all parties to live up to the highest good and in the best interest of the child at all times. Without this child, life will not exicist and don't forget you were a child once.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Subtle Child Abuse And The Abuse Of The Divine Will
This is to compliment the letter from Abandoned Father that carried the caption "Ensure dads get access to their kids, too", which was presented by The Star of Thursday, 11 September, 2008 and there were many before this and there will be many, many more to come unless this issue is addressed in a constructive manner. The realities and the sanctity of the issue must be confronted and in no uncertain terms be employed as a political tool.
Divorce is nothing new and it has been around since mankind existed. The human mind can find an infinite number of reasons as to why a couple divorced, just as it is so with death. Do we accept death, NO!. The first reaction is as always, how did he/she die. We just can’t accept that death is an act in the cycle of life. Death is separation and at every beat of our heart a separation is taking place in this Universe, weather we like it or not. Nothing is forever and change is the only constant in life and change is what we have to manage. Death is just one form of physical separation, the other is separation whilst living, which is also inevitable. It just happens, no matter what you do, say or think.
When either of this separation happens does it negate the relationship, no, only the physical contact is negated but the relationship will exist eternally for it is spiritual in nature. When two paths meet, they can never be broken. Friends will always be friends, sisters will always be sisters, brother and sister will always be brother and sister, father and mother will always be father and mother even though they are separated for whatever reason. No jurist or authority on this earth can negate the sanctity of any relationship. The emotional link that brought the two together can never ever be removed, no matter how ugly, bitter or painful the separation was. These are the aspects of life that appears to be beyond the comprehension of the human being and yet we are adamant in our ways of life.
Amongst all forms of separation death and divorce should be looked upon as a sacred act. For every death there is a sacred ritual and for every marriage there is a sacred ritual and divorce being a byproduct of a marriage should also be construed as a sacred act. In death life on this earth ends and in marriage a new life is born and the human race goes on to exist on this earth, all at a command of a Superior Being. The new life form that is born in a marriage cannot by whatever means be negated from the mother or the father or from the grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, or friends. That relationship is eternal and it will be carried to the graves weather we like it or not.
Having presented the above, I now pose the question as to how custody of a child can be given to any one parent, whereas the Superior Being has commanded that Mr. A and Ms. B are to be the father and mother of that child and no matter what happens this status quo cannot ever be altered through out their lives, even though the jurists may so decide. At birth the Superior Being had given absolute divine custody to the parents and this must be upheld by all parties and parents are only custodians for the Superior Being. Even those who are criminals in our eyes or humans who are immoral are given the right of being parents by the Superior Being, so who are we to decide as to who is a better parent. In reality there is no such thing as a better parent. No parent out there is flawless and none of us human beings are any where near perfect, hence who are we to override what the Superior Being has ordained other that to enforce the will of the Superior Being.
The word Custody in the context of Child Custody is absolutely destructive and opens the doors to vengeful acts, acts that are against the very fiber of values taught for the highest good of all mankind by every religion. The word Custody should be replaced with the word Responsibility. No matter what happens all parents should be responsible for the children allotted to them and this order of life must be maintained at all costs. No man or woman should be allowed to abuse this Responsibility, for in the event that such an abuse occurs, it should be construed as an act of abuse to the child and absolute disregard and disrespect to Divinity which Divinity is the sole Custodian for the existence and survival of this universe.
Divinity, in its infinite wisdom has willed that the human life form on this earth has to have a father and a mother and each has been ordained their sole exclusive respective purpose for the highest good of the human race and no man weather jurist or otherwise should interfere with this, other than to enforce the Divine Will, which is Joint Parenting in totality.
The term, Child Custody Act and its spirit has to be amended to reflect the Divine Will and an appropriate term would be Child Responsibility Act and the spirit of it to ensure that both parents honor the responsibility of the Divine Will. Neither parent should be subjected to only visitation rights nor just a provider of financial support.
No matter what the circumstance, parenting has to be a wholesome act. Do we Malaysians have the will to change and be counted or do we wish to drift ambiguously the course of the colonial masters.
Sayyed AK
Malaysian
Divorce is nothing new and it has been around since mankind existed. The human mind can find an infinite number of reasons as to why a couple divorced, just as it is so with death. Do we accept death, NO!. The first reaction is as always, how did he/she die. We just can’t accept that death is an act in the cycle of life. Death is separation and at every beat of our heart a separation is taking place in this Universe, weather we like it or not. Nothing is forever and change is the only constant in life and change is what we have to manage. Death is just one form of physical separation, the other is separation whilst living, which is also inevitable. It just happens, no matter what you do, say or think.
When either of this separation happens does it negate the relationship, no, only the physical contact is negated but the relationship will exist eternally for it is spiritual in nature. When two paths meet, they can never be broken. Friends will always be friends, sisters will always be sisters, brother and sister will always be brother and sister, father and mother will always be father and mother even though they are separated for whatever reason. No jurist or authority on this earth can negate the sanctity of any relationship. The emotional link that brought the two together can never ever be removed, no matter how ugly, bitter or painful the separation was. These are the aspects of life that appears to be beyond the comprehension of the human being and yet we are adamant in our ways of life.
Amongst all forms of separation death and divorce should be looked upon as a sacred act. For every death there is a sacred ritual and for every marriage there is a sacred ritual and divorce being a byproduct of a marriage should also be construed as a sacred act. In death life on this earth ends and in marriage a new life is born and the human race goes on to exist on this earth, all at a command of a Superior Being. The new life form that is born in a marriage cannot by whatever means be negated from the mother or the father or from the grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, or friends. That relationship is eternal and it will be carried to the graves weather we like it or not.
Having presented the above, I now pose the question as to how custody of a child can be given to any one parent, whereas the Superior Being has commanded that Mr. A and Ms. B are to be the father and mother of that child and no matter what happens this status quo cannot ever be altered through out their lives, even though the jurists may so decide. At birth the Superior Being had given absolute divine custody to the parents and this must be upheld by all parties and parents are only custodians for the Superior Being. Even those who are criminals in our eyes or humans who are immoral are given the right of being parents by the Superior Being, so who are we to decide as to who is a better parent. In reality there is no such thing as a better parent. No parent out there is flawless and none of us human beings are any where near perfect, hence who are we to override what the Superior Being has ordained other that to enforce the will of the Superior Being.
The word Custody in the context of Child Custody is absolutely destructive and opens the doors to vengeful acts, acts that are against the very fiber of values taught for the highest good of all mankind by every religion. The word Custody should be replaced with the word Responsibility. No matter what happens all parents should be responsible for the children allotted to them and this order of life must be maintained at all costs. No man or woman should be allowed to abuse this Responsibility, for in the event that such an abuse occurs, it should be construed as an act of abuse to the child and absolute disregard and disrespect to Divinity which Divinity is the sole Custodian for the existence and survival of this universe.
Divinity, in its infinite wisdom has willed that the human life form on this earth has to have a father and a mother and each has been ordained their sole exclusive respective purpose for the highest good of the human race and no man weather jurist or otherwise should interfere with this, other than to enforce the Divine Will, which is Joint Parenting in totality.
The term, Child Custody Act and its spirit has to be amended to reflect the Divine Will and an appropriate term would be Child Responsibility Act and the spirit of it to ensure that both parents honor the responsibility of the Divine Will. Neither parent should be subjected to only visitation rights nor just a provider of financial support.
No matter what the circumstance, parenting has to be a wholesome act. Do we Malaysians have the will to change and be counted or do we wish to drift ambiguously the course of the colonial masters.
Sayyed AK
Malaysian
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